In recent years, ‘mental health awareness’ and ‘wellbeing’ have been hot topics in almost all facets of life. It goes without saying that I was pleased to see this ethos entering into the mainstream. However, a recent incident while on call left me questioning whether this ethos had translated into my workplace.

In the early hours of an August morning, a cardiac arrest call came through on my bleep. I arrived to find chest compressions being performed on an 11-week-old baby. I was immediately filled with dread, anxiety, and confusion. As with many district general hospitals with limited paediatric service, the vast majority of sick children are diverted elsewhere, so I was not expecting to see a child. I remember feeling totally out of my depth. It had been a while since I’d dealt with paediatric patients, and I’d certainly never participated in a real paediatric arrest. 

Once the immediate shock subsided, I assumed the default position and took over the airway. It was at that point that I could see and feel the baby up close. I’d seen this colour in a child before, and knew this wasn’t going to end well. As I held that baby’s face, ventilating him, I became conscious of my racing thoughts: ‘Am I doing this right?’… ‘I think I’m going to cry’… ‘No one else is crying, get a grip’… ’Thank goodness the registrar is here’… ’This baby is not going to make it’…